What happens when the party girl picks up the palo santo?

Years of escaping my reality

From high school to college I was CHASING external validation and running from my reality straight to a bottle of pink lemonade Burnetts (iykyk).

Let’s get into the long version

To be honest, this is still barely scraping the surface behind my lifetime of lore, but most of those details I'll be taking to the grave with me, and the rest will be shared naturally as I connect more and more with this community.

I had no idea how disconnected from myself I really was, just moving through life on autopilot while having a total victim complex.

I was lost, depressed, overweight, and the known "blackout queen" in my friend groups. Think Snooki in Jersey Shore, only difference is I went by JBuck and thankfully my antics weren't broadcast on national television.

I built my entire identity around being the life of the party, but for all the wrong reasons, all while being led to feel like I was always "too much". The same reasons everyone loved me were also the reasons a lot of people couldn't stand me.

I started waking TF up

so much about personal development, but not enough to stop me from blowing my money every weekend😅

I faced TONS of challenges, mistakes and traumas during this time. Specifically in 2020 when I experienced my dark night of the soul, as so many did during that time, and I was changed forever.

I realized maybe I didn't want to retire with a huge home remodeling corporation. Maybe I had an entire life of my own to be lived. And the seeds were finally planted.

In 2021 I went through a toxic break up and was dealing with constant panic attacks and debilitating anxiety. It forced me to face myself in ways I never had before, through meditation, energy healing, and breath work, I finally felt the constraints of life begin to loosen.

I quit that job after nearly 5 years, at the end of 2023 and it was honestly like going through another breakup. Even though I was entirely burnt out, I was leaving behind the stepping stone that had given me so much more than I ever thought a company could and an era of my life I thought I'd never walk away from.

After college I got to work for a huge sales company where I would inevitably keep partying and drinking any day of the week. At the same time, I was working my ass off, making a ton of money, breaking office records and learning

After college I got to work for a huge sales company where I would inevitably keep partying and drinking any day of the week. 

At the same time, I was working my ass off, making a ton of money, breaking office records and learning so much about personal development, but not enough to stop me from blowing my money every weekend😅

I faced TONS of challenges, mistakes and traumas during this time. Specifically in 2020 when I experienced my dark night of the soul, as so many did during that time, and I was changed forever.

I realized maybe I didn't want to retire with a huge home remodeling corporation. Maybe I had an entire life of my own to be lived. And the seeds were finally planted.

In 2021 I went through a toxic break up and was dealing with constant panic attacks and debilitating anxiety. It forced me to face myself in ways I never had before, through meditation, energy healing, and breath work, I finally felt the constraints of life begin to loosen.

I quit that job after nearly 5 years, at the end of 2023 and it was honestly like going through another breakup. Even though I was literally so burnt out, I was leaving behind the stepping stone that had given me so much more than I ever thought a company could and an era of my life I thought I'd never walk away from.

That New York hustle

After quitting my job with literally no back up plan, I quickly realized I couldn't stay unemployed forever. I started an office job as an on premise manager for a major promotional agency on Long Island.

This job was a huge contrast to my previous company, and I felt the weight of those differences very quickly. From being over promised and under delivered on pay, to having to be on call pretty much 24/7, I knew almost immediately I needed to figure out what my next move was.

I spent nearly two years there,

I understood the connection

Letting life happen to me and being a victim to my external circumstances

I still have a lot to learn

Letting life happen to me and being a victim to my external circumstances